remembering 9/11

today as i watched the movie 'flight 93' i was overwhelmed with emotions. probably typical of many of us who remember the events of that day...

~september 11, 2001~

unlike A LOT of things in my life, i remember very clearly the morning of 9/11. i was on my way to work and 8 months pregnant with my first child. the radio had breaking news of a plane that had hit the WTC. you know the story. that was pretty much all the info they had at first. i didnt think much of it. just strange. when i got to work the TV was on and everyone was gathered around staring at the news...terrorist attacks? could it be? not 5 minutes after my arrival i watched in horror and tears ran uncontrollably down my face as the 2nd plane hit the other tower and we realized, yes, it was in fact an attack. i hadnt had a case of morning sickness in months, but i could feel it coming up now...

WOW. i knew this world wasnt all flowers and cookies but i didnt know that this was what it had come to. had i really been living in my own little naive bubble? it sucked. and here i am bringing a life into it! what have i done? being 8 months pregnant isnt easy in the first place with all the emotions and hormones and uncomfortable and just ugh...but now i have this huge knot that is taking up the stomach i have left because its been shoved aside by my baby. being this emotionally sick and pregnant is not good. then i start to realize this tragedy isnt about me. what about all of these people who have lost their loves ones. mothers, fathers, sons, daughters, so many relationships, so many people affected directly and indirectly from it. and me? im blessed enough not to be. just emotionally. ALL THOSE PEOPLE. sick again...

the news coverage just wont end will it? days and days, weeks even of the same image, the image i watched live on TV, burned into my brain. when i was in the hospital having amber, she was born on october 3rd, it was still on the news. on every magazine cover too.

dont get me wrong. i own my share of the magazines and a book too. i want to be able to share it with my girls and grandchildren. like my parents and grandparents have shared stories with me. i had never really understood the need for History class and having to endure it in school. it still isnt my favorite subject, but now that ive lived through something that will surely end up in a textbook, if it isnt already, i understand the need for learning about it and the resulting war on terrorism.

im still emotional when i think or talk about 9/11. usually to tears. i remember the wonderful sense of togetherness that America had immediately afterward and im sad that weve lost it. the flags that flew on every home, the "united we stand" decals and t-shirts and yard signs. and my favorite of all was the commerical that talked about how the terrorists wanted to change our country that showed all the bare fronted homes and then says they did and shows the same image of the homes but all flying flags. ive lost the outward showing of it too ill admit, but i still feel it in my heart.

this is the first movie ive watched about the tragic events of that day. i knew it would be very difficult for me to do but im glad i did. i hope to one day visit Ground Zero, to remember all those who died that day, whether by force or by choice. the many brave men and women who gave their lives to save others amaze me, what honorable people. i am grateful to our military, who to this day, fights to defend our country and our freedom, and i am grateful to their families who support them at all costs, even though the outcome is sometimes devastating.most of all i am thankful to God for helping me to realize that i cant be scared forever and run and hide with my one child. for helping me know that, as i have posted before, everything happens for a reason and we must continue on our journey in life. to be truly appreciative though, we must not forget these things.